Celebrity Life Quotes

Funny Famous Life Quotes
Funny Famous Life Quotes

Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children and no theories.
—John Wilmot

What the world needs is more geniuses with humility, there are so few of us left.
—Oscar Levant

Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.
—Oscar Wilde

I’ve gone into hundreds of [fortune-teller's parlors], and have been told thousands of things, but nobody ever told me I was a policewoman getting ready to arrest her.
—New York City detective

When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren’t smart enough to get out of jury duty.
—Norm Crosby

Those who believe in telekinetics, raise my hand.
—Kurt Vonnegut

I quit therapy because my analyst was trying to help me behind my back.
—Richard Lewis

We’ve heard that a million monkeys at a million keyboards could produce the complete works of Shakespeare; now, thanks to the Internet, we know that is not true.
—Robert Wilensky

If the lessons of history teach us anything it is that nobody learns the lessons that history teaches us.
—Anon

When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President. Now I’m beginning to believe it.
—Clarence Darrow

Laughing at our mistakes can lengthen our own life. Laughing at someone else’s can shorten it.
—Cullen Hightower

There are many who dare not kill themselves for fear of what the neighbors will say.
—Cyril Connolly

There’s so much comedy on television. Does that cause comedy in the streets?
—Dick Cavett

All men are frauds. The only difference between them is that some admit it. I myself deny it.
—H. L. Mencken

I don’t mind what Congress does, as long as they don’t do it in the streets and frighten the horses.
—Victor Hugo

I took a speed reading course and read ‘War and Peace’ in twenty minutes. It involves Russia.
—Woody Allen