History Jokes

Funny History Jokes
  • Why were the early days of history called the dark ages?  Because there were so many knights.
  • It appears that shortest war on record was between Zanzibar and Britain in 1896.  Zanzibar [now part of Tanzania] surrendered after 38 minutes.
  • What kind of lighting did Noah use for the ark?  Floodlights and Ark lights
  • Which English King invented the fireplace?  Alfred the Grate.
  • How was the Roman Empire cut in half?  With a pair of Caesars.
  • I'm desperately trying to establish why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
  • Last words from a general in the American Civil War, 'Nonsense. They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist...............'
  • Asked by the court barber how he wanted his hair cut, the king replied, 'In silence.' [4th Century CE]
  • What's the difference between Joan of Arc and a canoe?  One is Maid of Orleans and the other is made of wood.
  • Wishing to teach his donkey not to eat, a pedant did not offer him any food. When the donkey died of hunger, he said, 'I've had a great loss. Just when he had learned not to eat, he died.' [4th Century CE]
  • Why did Henry VIII have so many wives? He liked to chop and change. 
Funny History Jokes