New Year Jokes

 New Year Resolution Diet Joke Cartoon

New Year' s Resolutions

• 2012: I will get my weight down below 180 pounds.
• 2013: I will follow my new diet religiously until I get below 200 pounds.
• 2014: I will develop a realistic attitude about my weight.
• 2015: I will work out 3 days a week.
• 2016: I will try to drive past a gym at least once a week.

New Year Resolution Diet Joke Cartoon

On New Year's Eve, Daniel was in no shape to drive, so he sensibly left his van in the car park and walked home.  As he was wobbling along, he was stopped by a policeman.  'What are you doing out here at four o'clock in the morning?' asked the police officer.

'I'm on my way to a lecture,' answered Roger.

'And who on earth, in their right mind, is going to give a lecture at this time on New Year's Eve?' inquired the constable sarcastically.

'My wife,' slurred Daniel grimly.

 New Year Jokes Angry Wife

Jemima was taking an afternoon nap on New Year's Eve before the festivities. After she woke up, she confided to Max, her husband, 'I just dreamed that you gave me a diamond ring for a New Year's present. What do you think it all means?'

'Aha, you'll know tonight,' answered Max smiling broadly.

At midnight, as the New Year was chiming, Max approached Jemima and handed her small package. Delighted and excited she opened it quickly. There in her hand rested a book entitled: 'The meaning of dreams'.

Funny New Year Joke - Honey, our lawyer wishes us, but in no way guarantees a happy new year