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World's Funniest One Liners?

World's Funniest One Liners Quotes

World's Funniest One Liners Quotes?

Why do the French make omelets with only one egg?  Because in France one egg is un oeuf.

A recent survey showed that 6 out of 7 dwarfs are not happy.

If I wanted to hear an asshole talk, I'd fart.

I don't have a girlfriend, I just know a girl who'd be really upset if she heard me say that

I wanted to buy a candleholder, but the store didn't have one. So I bought a cake.

Saying 'I'm sorry' and 'I apologize' are the same, unless you're at a funeral.

Whenever something happens to me I wait two weeks before I tell anyone because I like to use the word "fortnight."

When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws, only catapults.

I used to play sports, then I realized you can buy trophies. Now I'm good at everything.

How fast does a zebra have to run before it looks gray?

The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.

 I wonder what the word for dots looks like in Braille.

I think one of the most groundbreaking inventions of all time is the jackhammer.

I called my girlfriend and said "Baby, you were great last night." She said "Who's this?"

When life gives you melons, you're probably dyslexic.

I have a stepladder, because my real ladder ran away when I was 5.

If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.

A Freudian slip is when you say one thing, but mean your mother.

Is my wife disappointed with our sex life? A tiny part of me says yes.

If someone offers you drugs, say "Thank you", because drugs are expensive.

I read about the evils of drinking, so I gave up reading.

Support bacteria, they're the only culture some people have.

I haven't slept for 10 days.... because that would be too long

A wedding is just a funeral where you get to see your own flowers.

I'm good friends with 25 letters of the alphabet… I don't know Y.

Camping is intense.

Constipated people don’t give a crap.

When I found out that my girl friend owned 50,000 bees, I knew then that she was a keeper.

Standing in the park, I was wondering why a frisbee looks larger the closer it gets... and then it hit me.

World's Funniest One Liners Quotes?