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Top Father's Day Funnies

Top Father's Day Funny Dad Jokes

"Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope."
– Bill Cosby

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A young boy asks his dad :"What is the difference between confident and confidential?
His dad says: "You are my son, I'm confident about that. Your friend over there, is also my son, THAT is confidential."



A boy and his dad are walking through the streets
"What does the word drunk mean?" asks the boy.
"Well," replies the dad, "for example, do you see those two policemen over there? if you were drunk you would think there are four policemen over there."
"But dad there is only one policeman over there!"

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Dad my mom a birthday card once.
The front said, 'Our love is like the ocean.'
The inside said, 'When I'm on the bottom I can't breathe.'


john the pacifiers are for her
 
A small boy was at the zoo with his father.  They were looking at the tigers, and his father was telling him how ferocious they were.
“Daddy, if the tigers got out and ate you up…”
“Yes, son?” the father asked, ready to console him.
“ …Which bus would I take home?”

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What does your father do for a living?
He’s a magician. He performs tricks, like sawing people in half.
Do you have any brothers or sisters?
Yep, four half-sisters and a half-brother.



I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker. But when I got home, all the signs were there.

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Kid: Dad, I'm thirsty.
Dad: Hi thirsty, I'm friday!

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Two men walk into a bar. The bartender says "you can't eat your own food in here!" so they swapped sandwiches.



A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see that his bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow that was addressed to 'Dad.'

With dread he opened the envelope and read the letter.

Dear Dad,

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you. I have found real passion with Stacy and she is so nice.

But I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercing, tattoos, tight motorcycle clothes and the fact that she is much older than I am. But it's not only the passion...Dad she's pregnant. Stacy said that we will be very happy.

She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children.

Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people that live nearby for cocaine and ecstasy.

In the meantime we will pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Stacy can get better. She deserves it.

Don't worry Dad. I'm 15 and I know how to take care of myself. 

Someday I'm sure that we will be back to visit so that you can get to know your grandchildren. 

Love, 
Your son, John 

PS. 
Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Tommy's house. 

PPS.
I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than a school report card. That's in my center desk drawer.
I love you. 
Call me when it's safe to come home

A sign of the times... daddy, since you list your job and mommy is supporting us, should I give my father's day card to her?
Top Father's Day Funny Dad Jokes