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Drunk Priest Vodka Joke

 Funny Drunk Priest Vodka Joke

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.  After mass he asked the Bishop how he had done, and the Bishop replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip." 

The next Sunday the priest took the Bishop's advice. At the beginning of the sermon he got nervous and downed the glass of vodka, before proceeding to talk up a storm.

Upon his return to his office after mass, he found the following note on his door:
  1. I said "sip" the vodka!!
  2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.
  3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.
  4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
  5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
  6. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior, and the Spook.
  7. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him.
  8. When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.
  9. When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, "Take this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say, "Eat me."
  10. The recommended grace before a meal is not: "Rub-a-dub-dub, thanks for the grub, yeah God."
and finally...

We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J. C., or to the cross as the "Big T."