The Rules of Bacon
- There must always be bacon in the fridge. Always
- There does not exist a food that does not go well with bacon.
- There are two kinds of people in the world: those who like bacon, and those who will be used as fodder in the case of a zombie apocalypse
- Even pigs like bacon. Fact.
- 90% of the world's problems can be solved by cooking more bacon.
- Crispy and chewy are both acceptable ways to cook bacon. Thou shalt not discriminate.
- Bacon presents exactly zero health risks. Shut up.
- If your computer is antiquated and slow, you can feed it bacon through the floppy drive to make it go faster.
- Meals without bacon are rarely worth eating.
- When given a breathalyzer, the number they give you is your BAC. This is short for "BACON", and is equal to the number of slices of bacon you should eat divided by 100.
- Thous shalt always consume bacon on the Sabbath, and the Mondath, and the Tuesdath, and the...
- Bacon gets you laid.