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The Rules of Bacon

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The Rules of Bacon
The Rules of Bacon

  1. There must always be bacon in the fridge. Always
  2. There does not exist a food that does not go well with bacon.
  3. There are two kinds of people in the world: those who like bacon, and those who will be used as fodder in the case of a zombie apocalypse
  4. Even pigs like bacon. Fact.
  5. 90% of the world's problems can be solved by cooking more bacon.
  6. Crispy and chewy are both acceptable ways to cook bacon. Thou shalt not discriminate.
  7. Bacon presents exactly zero health risks. Shut up.
  8. If your computer is antiquated and slow, you can feed it bacon through the floppy drive to make it go faster.
  9. Meals without bacon are rarely worth eating.
  10. When given a breathalyzer, the number they give you is your BAC. This is short for "BACON", and is equal to the number of slices of bacon you should eat divided by 100.
  11. Thous shalt always consume bacon on the Sabbath, and the Mondath, and the Tuesdath, and the...
  12. Bacon gets you laid.