Funny jokes, insults, puns, pictures, memes, cartoons and gifs.

How Good Is Your Marriage?

Funny happy wife happy life picture

After many tough weeks, Mary and Joe reached the finals of the 'How Good Is Your Marriage' quiz show. The questions had been difficult, but Joe was well-trained by his wife. The other finalists, however, matched them every step of the way, until, finally, the husband faltered.  Everything now hinged on Joe’s final answer.

“Joe,” asked the quizmaster. “What is Mary’s favourite flower?”

Joe grinned – this was an easy one. He leaned forward, cleared his throat, and announced confidently into his mike: “Self-raising!”
funny marriage joke

Mental Suicide Attempt

Funny Mental Hospital Asylum Lunatic Joke Picture
After hearing that one of the patients in a mental hospital had saved another from a suicide attempt by pulling him out of a bathtub, the hospital director reviewed the rescuer's file and called him into his office.

"Mr. Haroldson, your records and your heroic behavior indicate that you're ready to go home. I'm only sorry that the man you saved later killed himself with a rope around the neck."

"Oh, he didn't kill himself," Mr. Haroldson replied. "I hung him up to dry."

Funny Mental Hospital Asylum Lunatic Joke

Catholic Priest Jokes (18)

Funny Catholic Paedophile Priest Joke Cartoon


Two priests are out driving one day when they were pulled over by a police officer. The cop approached the priests' vehicle and said to the driver, "Sorry to pull you over, Father, but we're looking for a couple of child molesters."

The two priests looked at each other for a moment, then the driver turned to the cop and said, "Alright officer, we'll do it."

~

A retired priest was asked to fill in for the regular parish priest who was ill.  During confession, he heard one of the parishioners confess to sodomy.  As he was unable to remember the proper penance, he asked a nearby altar boy: "What does Father McKendrick normally give for sodomy?"

The boy said: "He usually gives us a bar of chocolate and a Coke."

God Making Adam Joke

Funny God making Adam cartoon joke picture

Angel: What do you call it? 
God: A human. 
Angel: What does it do? 
God: It doesn't annoy me, Jeff. That’s what it does.


Sunday School Joke


The Sunday school room sweltered with heat, and Mollie had started to doze off.

"Who came down from heaven to save our souls?'' asked Miss Parfemon.

Charlie poked Molly with a sharp pencil. Startled, she jumped up and shouted, "Jesus Christ!"

"That's right, Molly. Well done," said the teacher.  "And who created the earth?"

Charlie prodded Molly again.  "God Almighty!" she shouted.

Miss Parfemon smiled at the little girl's exuberance.  "Yes. Well done!  Now, for a tricky one, class. What do you think Eve said to Adam after their 23rd baby?"

No one answered, and Molly's head started to nod again.  Charlie stabbed her again viciously with the pencil.  Furious, she jumped up, turned around and shouted, "'If you stick that thing in me one more time, I'll snap it in two!''
Funny Sunday School Joke


Hamster Wheel Turning Dead

Have you ever just looked at someone and knew the wheel was turning but the hamster was dead?
Funny Hamster Wheel Turning Dead Joke Meme Picture - Have you ever just looked at someone and knew the wheel was turning but the hamster was dead?

Wedding Crush Photo

Funny Wedding Marriage Crush Picture
Funny Wedding Crush Photo - Bride Groom Marriage Picture 

Stressed Mom Cartoon

Hilarious Stressed Mom Cartoon Image Joke
Hilarious Stressed Mom Mother Cartoon Picture Joke Image - I'm afraid you have what's known as children

No Seagull Sign Fail

Funny No Seagull Sign Photo Fail
Funny No Seagull Sign Fail Joke Picture Photo

Church Prayer Notice Sign Fail

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community
Funny Church Prayer Notice Sign Picture | Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community

World's Funniest Nerd Jokes

World's Funniest Nerd Jokes Picture Collection
World's Funniest Nerd Jokes Picture Collection - Two kittens on a sloped roof. What is a physicist's favourite food?

And then the fight started....

Funny Joke - And then the fight started....
My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels.

She asked, ‘What’s on TV?’
I said, ‘Dust.’

And then the fight started…

******************************************

My wife and I are watching “Who Wants To Be A Millionaire” while we were in bed.

I turned to her and said, “Do you want to have sex?”
“No,” she answered.
I then said, “Is that your final answer?”
She didn’t even look at me this time, simply saying, “Yes.”
So I said, “Then I’d like to phone a friend.”

And then the fight started….

******************************************

Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.

I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife’s back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, “The weather out there is terrible.”

My loving wife of 10 years replied, “Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?”

And that’s how the fight started…

******************************************

I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn’t believe it…. He was a DWARF!!!
He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, “I AM NOT HAPPY !!!”
So, I looked down at him and said, “Well, then which one are you?”

And then the fight started…..

*****************************************

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, ‘I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.’
I bought her some bathroom scales.

And then the fight started…

******************************************

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive… so, I took her to a gas station.

And then the fight started…

******************************************

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver’s license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.

The woman said, ‘Unbutton your shirt’. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, ‘That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me’ and she processed my Social Security application. When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.

She said, ‘You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.’

And then the fight started….

******************************************

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.

My wife asked, ‘Do you know her?’

‘Yes,’ I sighed, ‘She’s my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn’t been sober since.’

‘My God!’ says my wife, ‘who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?’

And then the fight started…

******************************************

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.

“I’ll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.”
He said, “Aren’t you worried about the mad cow?””
Nah, she can order for herself.”

And then the fight started…

******************************************

A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, ‘I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly.

I really need you to pay me a compliment.’

The husband replies, ‘Your eyesight’s damn near perfect.’

And then the fight started…..


(Funny Joke - And then the fight started....)

First April Fool's Day Cartoon

Funny First April Fool's Day Joke Cartoon Picture

Funny First April Fool's Day Joke Cartoon

Way Too General Practitioner

Funny Way Too General Practitioner Cartoon Joke Picture

A young medical student approached a patient brandishing a syringe.

"Nothing to worry about," he said, smiling, "just a little prick with a needle."

"Yes, I know you are," replied the patient.

Old Man Doctor Receptionist Joke


An old man walked into a crowded waiting room, and approaching the receptionist, said, "I need to see the doctor. There's something wrong with my dick."

The receptionist was outraged at his language and replied, "You shouldn't come into a crowded waiting room and say things like that!"

"Why not?" asked the old man.  "You asked me what was wrong and I told you."

The receptionist replied, "You've caused some considerable embarrassment to this room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something, and discussed the problem further with the doctor in private".

"Well," said the man angrily, "then you shouldn't ask people questions in a roomful of strangers if the answer could embarrass anyone!" He stormed out.

Several mintues later he returned, smiling sheepishly.  The receptionist smiled smugly and asked, "Yes?"

"There's something wrong with my ear." 

The receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her advice. "And what exactly seems to be the problem, sir?"

"I can't piss out of it," he replied.

Funny Old Man Doctor Receptionist Joke

Relationship Breakup Joke

Funny breakup card joke picture

"I hear you've broken up with Joe," said Amy. "Why?"

"It's just that my feelings towards him aren't the same any more," replied her friend.

"So have you given him back the diamond ring?"

"Oh no," exclaimed her friend.  "My feelings towards the ring haven't changed a bit!"

School Teacher Joke

Just a darn minute. yesterday you said that X equals two!
Funny School Teacher Psychology Joke

A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!" After a few seconds, little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Johnny?"

"No, ma'am," replied Johnny, "but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"

Škoda JokeŠ

Funny Škoda jokes picture

Funny Škoda jokes
  • How do you double the value of a Škoda?  -- Fill the tank with petrol.
  • What's worse than owning a Škoda? -- Owning two.
  • What do you call an open-topped Škoda? -- A skip.
  • What essential information is contained in each new Škoda owner's manual? -- A bus timetable.
  • What's the difference between a Škoda and the flu? -- You can get rid of the flu.
  • Why does a Škoda have a heated rear windscreen? -- To keep your hands warm when you push it.

~

A small boy was walking along the road when a car pulled up alongside.  The driver leaned out and said: "If you get in my car, I'll give you a bag of sweets."  The boy ignored him.

"OK," said the driver, "if you get in my car, I'll give you two bags of sweets."  Still, the boy ignored him.

"Listen," persisted the driver, "if you get in my car, I'll give you all the sweets you want and ten dollars."

The boy turned to the driver and said: "Dad, for the last time, I'm not getting into that Škoda."

~

A guy was driving a Škoda on the motorway when it broke down.  A short while later, a Porsche stopped and the driver offered to give the Škoda a tow.  "If I go too fast," said the Porsche driver, "just give me a beep."

The Škoda driver agreed and the Porsche set off with the Škoda in tow.  A few miles down the road, a Corvette suddenly raced past the two cars.

The Porsche driver could not stand the humiliation and chased after the Corvette, eventually overtaking it.  The Corvette driver pulled into the next town, found a bar, and ordered a bottle of whisky,

"Tough day?" asked the bartender.

The Corvette driver nodded.  "Yeah, just got overtaken by a Porsche."

"That's not unusual," replied the bartender, somewhat surprised. "The Porsche is a fast car."

"Yeah," continued the Corvette driver, "but behind him was a Škoda driver beeping to overtake him."

Grounds For Desertion Joke

Funny divorce definition picture

A woman with twelve children aged between one and twelve decided to sue her husband for divorce on the grounds of desertion.

"When did he desert you:?" asked the judge.

"Eleven years ago."

"But if he left you eleven years ago, where did all the children come from?"

"He kept coming back to say he was sorry."

Carrot Humour

Funny rabbit cat carrot fart joke picture

Two carrots were walking down the road when one was hit by a truck.  It was taken to hospital and rushed in for an emergency operation. After an anxious six hours, the surgeon came out and told the other carrot: "Your friend will live, but I'm afraid he's going to be a vegetable for the rest of his life."

Cat Fishing

Funny cat looking at goldfish aquarium picture

A man was skulking around in his back garden digging a hole. His neighbour decided to investigate.

“What are you doing?“ he asked.

The man replied: "My goldfish died and I'm burying her.“

"That's an awfully big hole just for a goldfish, isn't it?“ said the neighbour.

The man shouted back: "That's because he's inside your cat!"

Marriage Is No Excuse

Funny marriage is no excuse cartoon joke picture

"So you admit breaking into the dress shop?" asked the judge.

"Yes, your honour," replied the accused.

"And why was that?"

"Because my wife wanted a dress."

The judge consulted his notes: "But it says here that you broke into the same shop four nights in a row."

"Yes, sir. She made me exchange it four times."

Domino Pizza Moon Restaurant

Funny Domino Pizza Moon Restaurant No Atmosphere Pun Picture
Funny Domino Pizza Moon Restaurant No Atmosphere Pun Picture

Making Dinner Play Song People Meme

Funny Making Dinner? Allow Me To Play The Song of my People Meme Picture
Funny Making Dinner? Allow Me To Play The Song of my People Meme Picture

Beware of the Dog Lion Sign

Funny Beware of the Dog Lion Sign

Ditcher Quick Hyde Divorce Lawyer Sign

Funny Ditcher Quick Hyde Divorce Lawyer Sign Joke Picture

Fat Hitler Eatler

Funny Fat Hitler Eatler Nazi Uniform Man Meme Joke Picture
Funny Fat Hitler Eatler Nazi Uniform Man Meme Joke Picture

Tired iPhone App

iTired - There's a nap for that
Funny iTired iPhone App Meme Joke Picture -  iTired - There's a nap for that

Parents Didn't Care

Childhood Parents Dressed Care Quote Meme Image - When I was little, I didn't care about things like what to wear, my parents dressed me.  Looking back at some of my old pictures, it's obvious that my parents didn't care either
Childhood Parents Dressed Care Quote Meme Image - When I was little, I didn't care about things like what to wear, my parents dressed me.  Looking back at some of my old pictures, it's obvious that my parents didn't care either

Ugly Baby Joke

Funny Ugly Baby Doctor Slapped Mother Bean Rowan Atkinson Joke Picture - I was such an ugly baby that the doctor slapped my mother when I was born
Funny Ugly Baby Doctor Slapped Mother Bean Rowan Atkinson Joke Picture - I was such an ugly baby that the doctor slapped my mother when I was born

Darth Vader Elevader Pun

Funny Darth Vader Star Wars Elevader Pun Lift Joke Meme Photo
Funny Darth Vader Star Wars Elevader Pun Lift Joke Meme Photo

Halloween Prank Gif

Funny Halloween Prank Gif Joke Picture
Funny Halloween Prank Gif Joke Picture

Mrs Potato Head Kim Kardashian Nude

Funny  Mrs Potato Kim Kardashian Nude picture
Funny  Mrs Potato Kim Kardashian Nude picture - New York - Break the internet Mrs Potato Head

Safe Sex Cartoon

Funny Safe Sex Cartoon Joke Picture
Funny Safe Sex Cartoon Joke Picture

Cat Diving Suit Costume

Funny cat in a diving wet suit costume image
Funny cat in a diving wet suit costume joke picture

Ugly Boy Father Wallet Picture

Ugly Boy Father Wallet Picture Joke - My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet
Ugly Boy Father Wallet Picture Joke - My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet

Jack Nicholson Son-of-a-bitch Quote

Funny Jack Nicholson Son-of-a-bitch Joke Quote Picture - My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch
Funny Jack Nicholson Son-of-a-bitch Joke Quote Picture - My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch

Frenchman Roomservice Hotel Pepper Joke

Allo, room service? I would like some pepper. Certainly sir, black or white?  Toillet
Frenchman Roomservice Hotel Pepper Joke | Allo, room service? I would like some pepper. Certainly sir, black or white?  Toillet

McDonalds Fat Barbie Doll

McDonalds Fat Barbie Doll Joke Image
McDonalds Fat Barbie Doll Joke Picture

Woman New Year Prayer Meme

Dear God, my prayer for this coming year is a fat bank account and a thin body, but please don't mix them up like you did last year. Amen
Funny Woman New Year Prayer Meme Photo - Dear God, my prayer for this coming year is a fat bank account and a thin body, but please don't mix them up like you did last year. Amen

Hippo Picture Caption

Funny Hippo Picture Photo

Does my bum look big in this?

Contest Winner: Weird 'n' Wonderful

Houston, we have a problem...

Funny Picture - Houston Moon Lunar Landing Astronout
Funny Picture - Houston, we have a problem...Moon Lunar Landing Astronout

Motivational Work Signs

Funny Work Signs Picture - Bulletin This job is a test



Funny Work Signs - Work or get fired - image
Funny work signs - bulletin this job is a test it is only a test had it been a actual job, you would have received bonuses, raised and promotions.  To all employees: new incentive plan - work or get fired

Christian Gene?

Funny Video - Christian Gene?

When The Lights Flicker

When you in the shower and the lights flicker
When you in the shower and the lights flicker - funny meme picture

Legendairy Pun

Funny Legendairy Pun - Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? Because they lactose.
Funny Legendairy Pun - Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? Because they lactose.

Relationship Biggest Step

Funny Relationship Biggest Step - The biggest step in any relationship isn't the first kiss. It's the first fart
Funny Relationship Biggest Step - The biggest step in any relationship isn't the first kiss. It's the first fart

A teenage boy is invited for lunch at his girlfriend’s house.  Because he made some bad food choices earlier, he simply has to fart when they're all at the table.

The girlfriend's dad shouts at the large dog sitting under the boy’s chair: "Rex!”

Seeing that the father thought it was the dog, the boy is much relieved.

A minute later the boy has to fart again - and again audibly. The father snaps at the dog again: “REX!!”

The boy is again relieved that the father thought it was the dog.

Ten minutes later the boy farts again.

The father shouts: “Rex, come here before that boy craps on your head.”


Funny fart cartoon joke picture


Cats In Boxes Collection

Funny cats in boxes picture collection
Funny cats in boxes picture collection