- Don't test animals - they get all nervous and give wrong answers.
- You don't need a parachute to skydive: you only need a parachute to skydive twice.
- Avoid clichés like the plague.
- Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
- Nonconformists are all alike.
- It's far easier to forgive an enemy after you've got even with him.
- It's bad luck to be superstitious.
- Never buy a car you can't push.
- Nobody's ugly after 2am.
- A friend in need is a pest.
- Work is for poor people.
- Everything is beautiful if you squint a bit.
- Never play strip poker with a nudist.
- If you can remain calm, you may not have all the facts.
- Money can't buy happiness, but it makes sadness much more bearable.
- Condoms are easier to change than nappies.
- Be nice to your kids - they get to choose your nursing home.
- All generalisations are false.
- If everything's going your way, you're driving in the wrong lane.
- The best way to change someone's mind is with a machete.
- An oral contract isn't worth the paper its written on.
- Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
- The best way to serve cabbage is to someone else.
- Never tell a lie unless it is absolutely convenient.
- A clear conscience is usually a sign of a bad memory.
- Sleep until noon to avoid hating yourself in the morning.
- You're never alone if you have schizophrenia.
- Rehab is for quitters.
- Never test the depth of water with both feet.
- Never argue with the man who is packing your parachute.
- Don't take life to seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
- Sometimes the best hand you can give is a good, firm push.
- Bigamy is having one wife too many, but if you think about it: so is monogamy.
- The world's full of apathy, but so what?
- Always use tasteful words - you may have to eat them.
- The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
- The best way to forget all your troubles is to wear tight shoes.
