Funny jokes, insults, puns, pictures, memes, cartoons and gifs.

Getting Older

Getting older is just one body part after another saying, 'ha ha, you think that's bad? Watch this."
Getting older is just one body part after another saying, 'Ha ha, you think that's bad? Watch this."

Harrison Ford Sign

Harrison Ford Sign - What's next? Liam Nissan?
Harrison Ford Sign - What's next? Liam Nissan?

Super Angry Wife

The next time your wife gets angry, drape a towel over her shoulders...
The next time your wife gets angry, drape a towel over her shoulders like a cape and exclaim "Now you are... SUPER ANGRY!!" Maybe she'll laugh. Maybe you'll die.

Spam Reporting

The SPAM Brand - Can you guys stop reporting our tweets for spam
The SPAM Brand - Can you guys stop reporting our tweets for spam

Jeff Fortenberry Vandalism

Jeff Fartenberry - Unite States Congress
Jeff Fartenberry - United States Congress - Strong families - Strong communities - Strong odor

How often do planes crash?

How often do planes crash? Just once
How often do planes crash? Just once - funny meme

Chef Excellence

When you're making a frozen pizza but not all the pepperonies are spread evenly so you rearrange them just a little - Chef Excellence
When you're making a frozen pizza but not all the pepperonies are spread evenly so you rearrange them just a little - Chef Excellence

Two Clowns Staring

If you look really closely you'll see 2 clowns staring at each other
If you look really closely you'll see 2 clowns staring at each other.  It's not easy, but persist.  Eventually you'll see the other clown.


Elton John Pun

I have an Elton John pun. It's a little bit funny.
I have an Elton John pun. It's a little bit funny.

Dr Pupper

Funny Dr Pupper - dog dressed up as Dr Pepper
Funny Dr Pupper - dog dressed up as Dr Pepper

Girlfriend Software Upgrade Joke

Programmer, an organism that turns caffeine into software

Last year I upgraded Girlfriend 1.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources.  No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product brochure.

In addition, Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and launches during system initialization where it monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Poker night 10.3 and Beer bash 2.5 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected.

I can not seem to purge Wife 1.0 from my system. I am thinking about going back to Girlfriend 1.0 but un-install does not work on this program.

Funny Girlfriend Wife Computer Software Upgrade Joke

Computer Undo Cartoon

Funny Computer Undo Cartoon Image
Funny Computer Undo Cartoon Ctrl-Z Image Joke Car Falling Off Cliff

Computer Say No

Computer says no gif funny joke picture
Computer says no gif funny joke picture

Wanted To Be A Gregorian Monk

I always wanted to be a Gregorian Monk, but I never got the chants
I always wanted to be a Gregorian Monk, but I never got the chants - funny religious pun

Meow that's what I call cats!

Meow that's what I call cats
Meow that's what I call cats - Over 8 hours of cats meowing!

Bad Screen, Good Screen

Tired of looking at bad screen. Can't wait to get home and look at good screen.
Tired of looking at bad screen. Can't wait to get home and look at good screen.

My First Time With A Blind Man

It's my first time with a blind man! Dear god! My husband is home! Hider under the bed!
It's my first time with a blind man! Dear god! My husband is home! Hider under the bed! Honey! You're home early!

Toddler Protest Sign

Child holding up a sign that she drew
Child holding up a protest sign that she drew

Toddler CEO

Funny Toddler CEO Collection
Funny Toddler CEO Collection

System Restore Disk Fail

System Restore Disk - Do Not Erase  - Fridge Magnet Fail
System Restore Disk - Do Not Erase - Fridge Magnet Fail

Haunted House

My housemates are convinced our house is haunted.  I've lived here for 274 years and not noticed anything strange
My housemates are convinced our house is haunted.  I've lived here for 274 years and not noticed anything strange

Dammit Alexa, I said cheeses

Funny religious meme - Dammit Alexa, I said cheeses
Funny religious meme - Dammit Alexa, I said cheeses

If Dracula Had A Cat

Funny If Dracula Had A Cat Cartoon
Funny If Dracula Had A Cat Cartoon - Cat sleeping in the casket

Buy Her Flowers

Therapist: Your wife says you never buy her flowers, is that true?
Therapist: Your wife says you never buy her flowers, is that true? Him: To be honest, I never knew she sold flowers.

Trespassers Welcome Sign

Trespassers Are Welcome Sign - Dog food is expensive
Trespassers Are Welcome Sign - Dog food is getting to be expensive

Romantic Nicknames

Romantic nicknames you can call your lover
Romantic nicknames you can call your lover (To get them in the mood) - Flute Maggle, Screamin' Boo Winkums, Jessween Thicknit, Esquire Crunchnuts...

Toilet Paper Aliens Cartoon

Don't ask. Just get me out of here
Funny toilet paper aliens cartoon - Don't ask. Just get me out of here

I Need Advice

I need advice. You mean you did exactly the opposite of what I told you to do
I need advice. You mean you did exactly the opposite of what I told you to do and made things worse and now want more advice you can ignore

Man Flu Relief

Contains concrete to harden the £$£$% up - 10 Man Flu Relief
Contains concrete to harden the £$£$% up - 10 Man Flu Relief - May provide temporary relief from whinging, whining, mobodycaresitis, imgoingtodie syndrome and possible/imaginary fever and headache

Grandma Ramen Cartoon

No Grandma, one hand like this.  Whoops I made a scarf
No Grandma, one hand like this.  Whoops I made a scarf - Funny Cartoon

Lost Wives Joke

 Unhappy old married couple joke picture
 Unhappy old married couple supermarket joke picture

The two shopping carts collided with loud bang.

"Sorry about that," said the old man.  "I'm looking for my wife, and wasn't paying attention to where I was going."

"That's OK," replied the other man.  "I wasn't either.  Funnily enough I've lost my wife too.  I'm getting a little desperate."

"Well maybe we can help each other," said the old man.  "What does she look like?"

"Well, she is 24 years old, tall, with blonde hair, blue eyes, long legs, big boobs, and she's wearing tight white shorts with a red halter top. What does your wife look like?"

The old man replied, "Doesn't matter - let's look for yours."


Cheap Dinner For Two

Roses are red, violets are blue, vodka is cheaper than dinner for two
Funny relationships meme - Roses are red, violets are blue, vodka is cheaper than dinner for two

Toilet Brush Review

Too much pain
Funny Toilet Brush Review - Causes too much pain and agony, don't know why its so popular now a days, im just going to use toilet paper.

The 5th Beatle

Funny The 5th Beatle Picture
The little-known 5th Beatle

Gray Pride

Gray Pride - We're old. We're tired. Get off our lawn.
Gray Pride - We're old. We're tired. Get off our lawn.

Dad Jokes

Funny dad jokes collection
Funny dad jokes - conjunctivis.com, now that's a site for sore eyes.  I made a belt out of watches once, what a waist of time. I don't trust stairs, they are always up to something. I used to be addicted to soap, but I'm clean now.

Has Anyone Seen Gary?

Has Anyone Seen Gary? Gary is about this tall
Has Anyone Seen Gary? Gary is about this tall

According to The Independent newspaper, the name Gary could soon be on its way to becoming completely extinct. 

Bedside Manners Joke

Funny joke about a man on his deathbed talking to his wife

The life support system beeped encouragingly, accompanying the large, ticking clock on the wall. Sarah's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months and things looked grim, but she was by his bedside every single day.

One day as he slipped back into consciousness, he motioned for her to approach, so she pulled the chair next to the bed, leaning close to be able to hear him.

"You know," he whispered, his eyes brimming with tears, "you have been with me through all the bad times: when I got fired, you stuck right beside me; when my business collapsed, there you were; when we lost the house, you were there; when I got shot, you stuck with me; when my health started failing, you were still by my side... and you know what?"

"What, my love?" she asked gently, squeezing his hand.

"I think you're bad luck."


True Love

Their love burned with the fiery intensity of a urinary tract infection
Their love burned with the fiery intensity of a urinary tract infection

Forbidden Love

Funny alien love fail picture
When your differences conquer your love - hang on this isn't even funny

Funny bee sting love fail picture
I suppose he dies soon after, so this is all very Romeo and Juliet.

Queen flees Storm Miguel

Queen and Prince Harry flee storm Miguel floods
Queen and Prince Harry flee storm Miguel floods - fake news of course

KFC Witness Protection Program

Funny KFC Kentucky Fried Chicken Witness Protection Program Picture Joke Image Chicken Flamingo Stilts

Woman Pregnancy Test Fail

Funny Pregnant Woman Pregnancy Test Sitting on the Toilet Fail Joke Picture
Funny Pregnant Woman Pregnancy Test Sitting on the Toilet Fail Picture
Just fat
Funny pregnancy test result - Just fat

Congrats

People only say 'congrats' because they don't know to spell congrajulashons
Funny Lisa Simpson Meme - People only say 'congrats' because they don't know to spell congrajulashons

Fake Photoshop News

The Argus - Local man criticised for being sh*t at Photoshop
The Argus - Local man criticised for being sh*t at Photoshop

Saustrich

Cross between a sausage and an ostrich - saustrich
Cross between a sausage and an ostrich - saustrich - this is deeply disturbing  😂

Breaking Bed

600-pound man arrested after running drug operation all from his bed
Breaking Bed - 600-pound man arrested after running drug operation all from his bed