Funny jokes, insults, puns, pictures, memes, cartoons and gifs.

Insults


(Go on, poke me. I dare you!)

Why don't you slip into something more comfortable, like a coma?!
I'd slap you but that would be animal abuse!
You have a great face for makeup!
Somewhere out there there is a tree tirelessly producing oxygen for you to breath. I think you own it an apology!
Shock me - say something intelligent!
I don't remember asking for your opinion!
You've mistaken me for someone who gives a damn!
You bring out the best insults in me!
You are as useful as a flat vibrator!
I was going to give you a nasty look... but I see you already have one!
You're so fake you look like you were made in China!
I'm typing this with my middle finger!
I'm busy. You're ugly. Have a nice day!
Keep rolling your eyes. Maybe you'll find a brain back there!
If I wanted to kill myself I'd climb up your ego and jump down to your IQ level!
You are a bag of douche!
Are you on stupid pills?
I'm sorry for hurting your feelings, but I already thought you knew you were stupid!
I have neither the time nor the crayons to explain this to you!
Well I could agree with you, but then we'd both be wrong!
I'm no proctologist, but I know as asshole when I see one!
Hey, you have something on your chin... no, the 3rd one down
The only way you'll ever get laid is if you crawl up a chicken's ass and wait!
Maybe if you ate some of that makeup you could be pretty on the inside!
The last time I saw a face like yours I fed it a banana!
You'll never be the man your mother is!
Your family tree must be a cactus because everybody on it is a prick!
I could eat a bowl of alphabet soup and shit out a smarter statement than that!
I'd like to see things from your point of view but I can't seem to get my head that far up my ass!
You bring everyone a lot of joy when you leave the room!
If you are going to be two faced, at least make one of them pretty!
Roses are red, violets are blue, I have 5 fingers, the 3rd ones for you!
Your face makes onions cry!
You only annoy me when you breathe!
It's kinda sad watching you attempt to fit your entire vocabulary into a sentence!
You fear success, but really have nothing to worry about!
I'll never forget the first time we met, although I'll keep trying!
If I gave you a penny for your thoughts, I'd get change!
Looks like you traded in your neck for an extra chin!
You look like a before picture!
So you've changed your mind, does this one work any better?
I've been called worse things by better people!
When was the last time you could see your whole body in the mirror?
So, a thought crossed your mind? Must have been a long and lonely journey!
If you spoke your mind, you'd be speechless!
Looks like you fell off the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down!
You're the reason the gene pool needs a lifeguard!
There are more calories in your stomach than in the local supermarket!
You're so fat, you could sell shade!
I hear the only place you're ever invited is outside!
You look like something I'd draw with my left hand!
You're as useless as a knitted condom!
If I wanted to hear from an asshole, I'd fart!
You are proof that God has a sense of humour!
Why don't you check eBay and see if they have a life for sale!
Did your parents ever ask you to run away from home?
Don't you need a license to be that ugly?
Nice tan, orange is my favourite colour!
100,000 sperm, you were the fastest?
You, sir, are a big zit on the ass of life!
The smartass in me really doesn't like the dumbass in you.
I see girls can be complete dickheads.
Go forth and multiply!
You suck! Don't you?
Nice car, if you're planning on sleeping in it!
I wouldn't feed your cooking to my dog. Your dog maybe.
You smell like feet. Keep moving!
The wheel is still spinning but I see the hamster died!
Too bad stupidity isn't painful!
You are no longer beneath my contempt!
You are so boring that you can't even entertain a doubt!
You are the sap of your family tree!
Your teeth are like stars - they come out at night!
I wanted a knight in shining armour, not an idiot in foil!
You're not yourself today. I noticed the improvement immediately!
You're so ugly you almost look like your mother!
Your face was made for radio!
Your father should have pulled out!
It must be nice to be free of the burden of intelligence!
Well someone needs a happy meal!
You're about as graceful as an eagle... piloting a blimp!
If I had a dollar for every time I thought about you, I'd start thinking about you!
Is that a head or did someone crap on your shoulders?
If wit was shit, you'd be full of it!
Really? That wife with That suit?!
You've got a head like a half-sucked mango!
Have you been playing with your marbles again?!
Somewhere someone is using you as a bad example!
It's a shame you don't come with a receipt!
I've seen more intellect in a petri dish!
I see failure runs in your family!
I bet you'd get a free cup of soup with a face like that!
I need a new hat for your face!
You're like the radio-edit of people!
You have the face of a fried egg. The gods will have their yolk.
My dog wouldn't lick your face!
I took a toilet-clogging dump and thought of you!
I liked you better when we'd never met!
I've had hemorrhoids more desirable than you!
I bet you do finger guns after you've picked your nose!
You are just a capybara in a kiddie pool, aren't you?!
Did your mother have any children that lived?!
You're the reason this airline still needs to give seat belt instructions!
I didn't mean to offend you... That was just a bonus!
When I want your opinion, I'll ask your wife.
You sir, are a brain dead amoeba. A loathesome wart on the beauty of life. When you were born, your dad slapped your mum's face!
You make two short planks look like a computer and have a face like a well smacked arse, but enough of the compliments.
Well you've just blown the theory that people who wear glasses are smart...
I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in?
Shut up, you'll never be the man your mother is!
I think you need a licence to be that ugly!
Did you get your makeup from Crayola?
You have more chins than the Chinese phone book!
I'm not saying you're ugly but we had to tie a steak round your neck just so the dog would play with you.
I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable.
I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
You'd make an impression if you leapt off a tall building.
You know what's an inside joke? Your mom being pregnant with you.
What language are you speaking? Sounds like bullshit.
We all sprang from apes, but you didn't spring far enough.
Hey, you have something on your chin... no, the 3rd one down.
I'm jealous of all the people that haven't met you!
Do you want to lose ten pounds of ugly fat? Cut off your head.
No YOU are the worst at insults!
If your brains were dynamite, there wouldn’t be enough to blow your hat off.
Kurt Vonnegut Jr.
Your mother should have swallowed you!
I don't know what makes you so stupid, but it really works!
Calling you an idiot would be an insult to all the stupid people!
You looks like something I drew with my left hand.
I was going to give you a nasty look, but I see you already have one.
I'm sorry I hurt your feelings when I called you stupid. I thought you already knew.

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